One of my friends sent this to me and I so appreciate it. Number 1 and 4 are just my favorites. Hope you enjoy them. I enjoy sharing them with you..................
1. She was in the bathroom, putting on
her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done
many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the
little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I
will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the
toilet paper good-bye....
2. My young grandson called the
other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him,
62. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at
1?"
3. After putting her
grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse
and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more
rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head
and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As
she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who
was THAT?"
4. A grandmother was telling her
little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside
on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front
yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little
girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd
gotten to know you sooner!"
5. My grandson was visiting one
day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally
polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he
replied.
6. A little girl was diligently
pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing
a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't
read."
7. I didn't know if my
granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would
point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always
correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door,
saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors
yourself!"
8. When my grandson Billy and I
entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep
from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing
them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are
coming after us with flashlights."
9. When my grandson asked me how
old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear,
Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."
10. A second grader came home
from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to
make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep
her cool. "That's interesting." she said. "How do you make babies?" "It's
simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add
'es'."
11. Children's Logic: "Give me a
sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The
fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to
correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the
young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a
child.
12. A grandfather was delivering
his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting
in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started
discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.
"No," said another. "He's just for good luck." A third child brought the
argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire
hydrants."
13. A 6-year-old was asked where
his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want
her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her
back to the airport."
14. Grandpa is the smartest man on
earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as
smart as him!
15. My Grandparents are funny,
when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their
dog.
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